Real Estate Joke of the Day – “The Balloonist”

“The Balloonist”

A balloonist is blown off course and is forced to land. He is
in a field close to a road, but has no idea where he is. He sees a
car coming along the road and hails it.

The driver gets out and the balloonist says, “Howdy! Can you tell me where I am?”

“Yes, of course,” says the driver. “You have just landed in your
balloon, and with this wind you have obviously been blown off course. You are in the top field on John Dawson’s farm, 12 miles from Albury. John will be plowing the field next week and sowing wheat. There is a bull in the field. It is behind you and about to attack you.”

At that moment, the bull reaches the balloonist and tosses him over the fence.

Luckily, the balloonist is unhurt. He gets up, dusts himself off and says to the motorist, “I see you’re an appraiser.”

“Good grief,” says the other man, “you’re right! How did you know
that?”

“I employ appraisers,” says the balloonist. “The information you
gave me was detailed, precise, and accurate. Most of it was useless, and it arrived far too late to be of any help.”

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How did you start the flood?

“How did you start the flood”

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought in San Diego? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?”

The doctor replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.”

The lawyer looked puzzled. “Gee,” he asked, “how did you start the flood?”

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Summer Interns Get An A+

Here is the fancy pants writing……

Over the past eight weeks, the interns at Gabhart Investments, Anthony Espinoza and Seth Struiksma, have learned the nuts and bolts of renovating residential properties in San Diego and have made valuable contributions to the development and growth of the business. In addition to interning at Gabhart Investments, both Anthony and Seth contribute much of their time on the Board of Directors for the Real Estate Society of San Diego State University. The main duties for the interns are to assist with acquisition research, frequently update the website blog, and ultimately create a personal business plan to use as a guide for the future. At the inception of the internship, both interns contributed their ideas and efforts towards writing the Gabhart Real Estate Opportunity Fund business plan. They were instrumental in finalizing a plan that would eventually be sent out to investors. Once the Fund was established, Seth and Anthony assisted with design ideas and materials for the property renovations. Throughout the entire internship, the interns documented the processes, procedures, and skills they learned on a daily basis. For more information on the Real Estate Society at SDSU, go to: https://www.realestatesocietyofsdsu.com

Ok enough with the fluffy crap, Here is the no BS Curtis version…..

Those two spent there summers with a fat grumpy dude learning how what it takes to buy properties in this market WITHOUT GETTING PAID (the fat grumpy guy is me). The fact that they were willing to put in all that work without getting paid to learn the business shows me that they are serious about making it in life.

Personally I know my greatest rewards have coming from putting my balls on the line with the understanding that I may not succeed but if I do the rewards will be great. Not everything has always worked out the way I wanted but in my opinion it’s not whether you fail that counts it’s whether you don’t give up and keep going until you succeed that makes you a success (it doesn’t have to be money. Do you have any idea how hard it was to land my wife??? Now I have her though and she’s stuck.)

I have had many ventures that have made me fall flat on my face.

When I was 6 I decided to sell used books door to door. This was my first lesson in keeping the overhead low. I hired this cute 6 year old girl as my secretary and paid her a dollar a day. I think she ended up making more money than me.

Also looking back at it I wonder what the fudge was my baby sitter thinking letting me sell books door to door when I was six???? Can you say Chester the Molester? I’d be kicking some babysitter ass if they let my daughters do that.

Over the years I mowed lawns, painted and even bought 12 coin operated alcohol breathalyzers from ebay that I thought would make some serious coin by putting them in bars.

Well the only thing I got out of the breathalyzer business was a video of me opening the boxes, plugging all the machines in and watching all the pretty lights flash on them… The best part was when I talked to the video camera saying “if these don’t work out my wife is going to KILL ME!”.

Well needless to say the first bar I brought them to (a biker bar in spring valley) a drunk came up and thought it was a game and started drinking shots and blowing into the machines to see how high he could get his alcohol level. Needless to say I figures the liability would outweigh the potential money.

There were many many more adventures like that which I won’t bore you with until I found a niche I could do well in. That niche was Real Estate and I busted my hump and worked for free for a long time (and a lot of nagging from the wife) until I finally made it.

It hasn’t been an easy journey and I can’t say I never lost any money because I have. I can say that I love what I do and if I didn’t do this I would probably be working in Taco Bell still (my first legal job).

Well in summary I think they learned a lot and even if they learned that they hated the business (which I don’t think happened) it’s better to find that out before you go and make a career out of it.

I just want to thank both of them and let them know that they have a lifetime of free advice and help (it’s probably worth what they are paying me for it).

From our last meeting together Seth is actually interested in getting into the commercial brokerage business which I highly recommend and Anthony is going to Spain for a semester to drink some sangria’s and decide on what he is doing.

So in summary – A+ (even though I never got an A or a B or really many C’s)….

Curtis

BTW – if you enjoy these posts at all do me a favor and click the sharing button and share. If you don’t like it and think it’s crap share it and let them know my name is Jon Jerome.

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Funny Real Estate Terms

I got this as an email and thought it was cute.

Funny Real Estate Terms
(Excerpt from Loren Keim’s Book – “Life Lessons… from the back seat of my car”)

In real estate advertising, as in any other, misleading statements abound. Some realtors try to put positive spins on home features that are somewhat less than positive. Please don’t misunderstand me. A conveniently located, cozy and charming home with easy highway access that needs a little TLC might be a great starter home for a family with a little bit of paint. Sadly, too many realtors use these words in other ways.

In fact, a leading real estate trainer actually promotes using the term cozy instead of small and charming instead of old as a method of attracting buyers. This practice is called puffing. The following is a list of some of the best examples of inappropriately used words.

  • Cozy “ One of my favorite terms. It means the home is too small for human habitation. Remember the 19th Century when a family of six could live in a single room home? This is the home for them.
  • Intimate“ The only home smaller than cozy. These homes are perfect if you’re roughly the size of a garden gnome.
  • Charming “ If you’re used to living without indoor plumbing, this home is perfect for you. It comes complete with old woodwork, wide molding, and kitchen cabinets that date before the Great Depression. The cobwebs are an added bonus.
  • Conveniently Located “ It is located at a busy intersection, where the traffic noise is so heavy, you’ll have to sleep with ear plugs.
  • Easy Highway Access “ This is actually worse than Conveniently Located. Here you’ll have to sleep with pillows duct taped to your head.
  • Country Living “ We hope you like spending a lot of time driving because this home is located so far from civilization that you may have to raise your own animals in order to survive.
  • City Living- Lock the doors with all three deadbolts because it’s not safe to go outside.
  • Needs Some TLC “ Beware. You might fall through the floor.
  • Water View “ If you stand on a ladder in the corner bedroom of the second floor and lean out the window, you might be able to see it.
  • Water Front – Located in a flood zone.
  • Not a Drive-By “ Because the exterior is so hideous, you’re likely to drive by without stopping. You might even look over your shoulder to see if condemned signs have been placed in the yard yet.
  • Must See The Inside “ This is a variation of Not a Drive-By. The outside looks like it’s been decorated for Halloween, but it’s currently March. The Addams Family actually turned this home down.
  • Handyman Special “ So special that not even the walls are solid. The home is probably ready to collapse.
  • Unique “ This home is so unique that it will only appeal to a small percentage of the population. In fact, the number of buyers who would appreciate the architecture is so small that we’re still hoping some weird person from southern California takes a job relocation and moves to the area.
  • Easy to Show “ The prior owners vacated the home as soon as they heard the gunfire down the street. The doors don’t shut properly, so pretty much anyone can go in anytime they’d like.
  • Only One Owner “ And he didn’t make an update since the day he built the home forty-seven years ago.
  • Freshly Painted “ With a single coat of cheap paint.
  • Cul-de-sac Living “ A fancy way to say you’ll be living at a dead-end.
  • Friendly Neighborhood “ In fact, several busy bodies will watch your every move and the creepy guy across the street has a telescope trained on this home at all times.

Do you have any you want to add?

 

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